Egypt Trip (Episode 10)

Day 10 Cairo (14th Nov 2010)
Surprisingly Isis came to our hotel to give us her homemade Egyptian puff, so sweet of her, she is the most amazing tour guide we have ever seen, knowledgeable and cheerful, good at controlling the crowd. She can call every one of us by name, and she does not like you to interrupt when she is explaining, oh yeah, and she is very proud to be 100% Egyptian (it is the law that every tour guide in Egypt must be 100% Egyptian).

Egypt Trip (Episode 9)

Day 9 Cairo (13 Nov 2010)
Great Pyramids of Giza
Finally the train arrives at Cairo city at 10am, we are 2 hours behind schedule. Henny told us they receive complains all the time, but that is how the trains work in Egypt, they are using the type of trains nobody is using since 100 years ago:) We straight away head to the Great Pyramids of Giza, Henny collected LE 30 from each of us to buy the ticket to enter one of the smaller Pyramid. Isis told us that there are 120 Pyramids in Egypt, 9 in Cairo but only one is listed as one of the Seven Wonder of the World. Maybe we have seen and heard too much about the Pyramid, when we really see it with our own eyes, it seems pretty normal despite the fact that it is huge.

Entering the Pyramid is like entering a sauna room, the moment you get into it, you will start sweating, it is dark, it is narrow and it has nothing inside, but at least we get to see what it’s like though it’s empty. Isis told us all the pyramid was found empty as they were robbed, it is too obvious that the pyramid is a tomb filled with treasures and gold. That’s why the yong boy Tutankhamun become famous because his was the only tomb found not robbed.

We took the camel ride at the wide desert, the camel seems very dirty and ugly, haha.. and everybody screamed for help when the camel gets up from sitting position (imagine the swing and the height)

The Sphinx
The Sphinx is a figure with human head and lion body. The broken nose was caused by a radical Muslim who destroyed it but the government chose to keep its originality and not to repair it.

#BAD EXPERIENCE (2)
We walked up the stairs and a yong girl approached us saying Jon didn’t wear the hair dress correctly, she nicely helped him to adjust the hair dress and show us a good spot to take photos. We were impressed how we helped us to position ourselves to take photos of us kissing the pyramid, holding it, punching it, etc . She get more aggressive and took over Jon’s SLR, in our mind, we are thinking of course you need to pay for her service, but we don’t mind la.

Mana tahu when we are done and about to leave, we took out LE 20 (appx. 3.5 USD) to give her as tips, she does not want to take it, she said it is small money (can you believe it? Even the souvenir we bought are always LE10, LE 20 is consider a generous tips la.. ) But she insist no, she wants US Dollar, not small money, and she follow us all the way to the exit, and shouted at us “Delete! My photo! Delete!” as though we are the robber or thief, malu betul.

Lunch @ Hard Rock Café
It is Hari Raya Haji holiday the next whole week, we were told that the Muslim will have to sacrifice an animal as offering, they keep half for the family and the other half for the poor. That’s why we see a lot of sheep on the road, alive or dead. And we even see a carriage with big chunks of meats, thinking it is lamb or beef, when we see the second carriage with big chunks of intestines, Isis told us that it’s camel that they slaughtered! Yes, camel is a lot cheaper than cow or sheep.

Lunch at Hard Rock is fabulous, one of the best meal in Egypt, buffet some more! Suddenly the music tergendela many times, like CD jammed, and we see the staff standing in one line and start to dance and sing, very entertaining. Jon bought a few t shirt for his buddy, claiming that this is the cheapest hard rock t shirt he ever bought. And it is the first time we see an 1 US Dollar coin, when the staff give us the change in USD.

Egyptian Musem
The day in Cairo is the most tiring day in the whole trip, we are so used to eat sleep eat sleep in the cruise but this is a long full day in Cairo, by the time we reach the museum, a lot of us already start yawning.

Egyptian Museum is very impressive, it is like a time tunnel that brings you back to the ancient Egyptian time. Big statues everywhere, mummy coffin big and small, ancient tools and accessories, wow! It’s like Ben Stiller’s movie “A night in the museum”.

All the treasure of King Tutakhamun is displayed here, from his chariots, to his throne, to his under garment, to his coffin, basically his whole “tomb” is in the museum, except his mummy still remains in the Valley of the Kings. Amazed to see his face mask and his coffin after another coffin so nicely done even few thousands years back.

We paid LE 100 each to see the royal mummies in the museum, there are 27 of them altogether, all nicely preserved. They wrapped the body with cloths, and we can only their face, hands and feet. Some even have hair, eye lashes, finger nails and teeth.

Not much feelings looking at the mummies, I guess it’s because we have seen the fake one, all the time in movies, and we have not seen any dead body without mummification process, so hard to compare how well they preserve it. Ironically, we just watched “Adele, rise of the mummy” right before the trip, it helps us to understand the mummification better.

Khan El Khalili Bazaar
This is a very big bazaar that stretches out to all four corner of the road, selling all sort of stuff from souvenir for tourists and blankets for household purpose. But we had another bad experience dealing with the locals.

#BAD EXPERIENCE (3)
Generally the price here is a lot higher then all the other cities we been to, luckily we bought almost all that we want the day before. At the first shop we stopped by, we asked for the price of a small purse, they said 1 USD, but we want to buy in Egyptian Pound, so we bargain until LE 30 for 6. (1 USD = 5.7 LE, we asked for LE 5 only, not too much right?)

When we wanted to pay, the owner come and ask for more money, because he wants to sell at 1USD not 5 LE. We are not happy they jack up the price like that and ask for our money back, not only he didn’t want to give us back but he raised his voice and ask for more money. We were very frustrated to deal with him and as he got our money in his hand, we can’t just walk away. Luckily somebody came into the shop and diverted his attention, and we quickly run for our life.

Egypt Trip (Episode 8)

Day 8 Aswan (12 Nov 2010)
This is a boring day where we have nothing to do, and they expect us to join the optional tour. Isis is very good at adjusting the time here and there and bring us to factories here and there. We don’t mind because they always serve us karkade drink, haha. But to pay to visit the Nubian kampung just to see the normal house and school, no one is interested.

Aswan Market
We went to Aswan Market in the morning as the felucca didn’t come on time. We just walk walk see see and take photographs as we didn’t bring out the camera the night before. But this time we managed to walk all the way to the end and bought some papyrus paper as souvenir.

#BAD EXPERIENCE (1)
When we bought the papyrus paper, the person does not have any change to give back to us, so he has to go around and ask his friend for change. There is this particular person that gives him the change, and he casually asked Jon “where are you from?” As they begin to chat, he slap on Jon’s neck a few times (on friendly ground) and Jon found it very agitated but do not know what to say or how to react. They just seem very friendly and natural, what can we do? Our first reaction is to check the wallet and thank God every penny is intact.

While waiting for the rest to come, we walked into a bookshop and found a very interesting book, it is called “Egypt then and now”. It has very nice illustration about most of the tourist site, with a photo of it’s current outlook as the base, and on top of it you can place a transparent cover to see how it is like before (with the original colour and missing part).

Felucca Ride
We went to a restaurant in a small island in the middle of the Nile river, I felt like we were in Africa, with the open window and the natural scenery and birds flying around. Then we took the felucca ride, it is a sailing boat with no engine and it takes 2 people to manoeuvre the steering and the canvas sail.

Sleeping Train
After lunch, we went back to the cruise to rest before we transfer to train station for overnight journey to Cairo. By then only we found out that there is no shower facilities in the train, and we can’t bath for one day? All of us take turn to sneak into the toilet and lap badan with the small tiny hand tower and took out our overnight items as there may be not enough space to open the big luggage.

Yes, we are right, the moment we went into the train cabin, we got a shock of our life that it is so small.. after fitting in all the luggages, we basically have no more place to turn around. But magic happens when the staff opens up the double deck and suddenly it looks like a decent sleeping room with basin for wash up.

Good thing is that we are so used to eat sleep eat sleep, both Jon and I slept our way through the night. I do not want to talk about the toilet (please)

Opps, almost forgotten the “except us” story, see there is a basin for us to wash hand, but the water is boiling hot, we tried all other cabins, theirs are okay. So we asked the staff to come and fix it, he even bring a technician to fix it for us. But it is still hot. And I started to get depressed “ why everyone gets double bed except us? Why everyone gets to watch fox movie except us? And why everyone gets cold water except us? Pai Mia..

Along the railway, we see a lot of people still wash clothes at the river, and the houses are built “half way” with the unfinished roof top, tour guide said that they will continue to build again once they have the money, because they like to stay together as a big family even the son gets married. And marriage among the family members is very common and Egypt, that’s why a lot of time you see abnormal child in the family.

Egypt Trip (Episode 7)

Day 7 Abu Simbel (11 Nov 2010)
Abu Simbel Temples
We have to wake up at 2am to depart to Abu Simbel in the middle of the night, it is said that we need to follow the time where the police convey start their journey, because there will be police at the front and back of the long convoy to control the traffic and to provide help if accident happens in the long stretch of desert road without any phone coverage.

Anyway, it is worth the traveling, Abu Simbel turns out of to be the most interesting and impressive temple we have visited in Egypt. It consists of two temples built by Ramses II as a lasting monument for him and his wife Nerfatari. The temples were relocated from under water to its current location. Relocated? Yes, bits by bits, pieces by pieces in the 1960s.

No photos allowed in the temples, but is is one of the most complete and well preserved temple with all the statues and drawing on the wall, as though they were just painted few years ago.

The sunlight will go through all the way to the Holy of the Holies, where they have 4 statues, 3 gods and Ramses. There are only 2 days in a year where the sun rise shine on the face of Ramses first instead of the 3 gods, that is during his birthday and his coronation day. It lasted 28 minutes on 28 February and 28 October respectively and millions of tourists will crowd the temple to witness it.

High Dam
Visit the High Dam, one of the three largest dams in the world. From the top, we can gaze across Nasser Lake the huge reservoir created when the High Dam was built. Nothing fantastic..

Aswan Market
We have a few hours before dinner, so we decided to explore the neighborhood, and thank God we found the bazaar by following some ang moh along the way, hehe. Lots of stuff we bought, scarf, hibiscus flower, magnets, water for reasonable price.

The bazaar is very long and if you miss one particular shop, chances are you can’t find it again because most of them are selling the same stuff at various prices. The sales people are all very aggressive, once you show interest they won’t let you go. They also use trick like “Hey, you promise to come back..” At first we really ponder, and after a few times we knows ..Apalah

Belly Dance Show
Isis is right when she said belly dance on the cruise is of low quality, not professional. Jon couldn’t wait until 10pm and went to sleep early, so I went to the lounge alone and watched. They have 3 performances:
1) Belly dance: Everybody knows belly dance, shake head, shake bust, shake butt, shake shake shake, but the performer is lousy lo..
2) Tahtib (Stick dance): A men demonstrating the martial art using a wooden stick, hit here hit there, a bit like kung fu style.
3) Tanoura (Whirling Dervish): A men wearing long, large skirts who turn and turn nonstop for 10-15 minutes, tak pening kah?

Egypt Trip (Episode 6)

Day 6 Edfu & Kom Ombo (10 Nov 2010)
Temple of Edfu
We took a ride on horse drawn carriage from the dock to Temple of Edfu. Though the cost is included in the tour, but tour guide said it is a custom to pay them LE5 as tips wo..

This temple is the second largest temple after Temple of Karnak, it is dedicated to the falcon God, Horus. The walls on this temple contain inscriptions that give details of religion and language during the Greco-Roman Period in Ancient Egypt, as well as showing battle scenes in perfect clarity.

It is said that every year the Goddess Hathor travelled from her temple to visit the God Horus at Edfu Temple. As husband and wife, they only get to see each other for 13 days in a year.

It also depicts the love story between Isis and Orisis where the brother of Orisis tricks him into a coffin and throws him into the river Nile. Then Isis susah payah search for his body parts and raise him from the dead and make herself conceived. Of course the story ends with her son grows up to take revenge from the wicked uncle.

Some of the kartush on the wall is left empty, because the kings keep changing over the 180 years to build the temple, they don’t know whose name to carve. Kartush is a name tag for the Egytian King, they all look ideal and perfect in the drawing, the only way to differentiate them is to refer to their kartush.

There is a small passage to access the Nile river in the temple, they calls it the Nilometer. The king will determine the taxes to collect from the people based on the water level.

Isis brings us to a shop she claims to have a lot of variety with reasonable price to force us buy the Galabia (traditional costume) for the theme party the next day. All of us bodoh-bodoh go in and choose without realizing all the other shops are selling at the same price, with more variety!

Temple of Kom-Ombo
We walk to the Temple of Kom-Ombo, which was dedicated to the falcon and crocodile god. It is said that a yong boy was eaten by crocodile, so the people decided to build a temple for the crocodile god, but they think it is not good to build a temple for crocodile god, so they balance up with another falcon god. That is how it become a double temple (normally temples are only dedicated to one single god).

Some famous drawings on the wall include the ancient calendar, where they have 24 hours a day, 30 days a month and 3 seasons a year. Another drawing shows a women sitting on a birthing chair, with various medical instruments depicted. So canggih!! We have not even thought of birthing chair with all the modern technologies.

Tour guide teaches us how to differentiate the drawing between ancient Egyptian time and Greco Roman time: 1) the Greco Roman pays attention on the details, even crease at the knee and tummy can be seen 2) Kartush are written in alphabet, not symbol .

Too bad the Crocodile Museum are not ready, if not we can see mummified crocodiles. Crocodiles also they mummified? Yes.. indeed later on we found that they mummified everything, animals, fruits, seeds, all the things they need in the afterlife.

So called Galabia Theme Party on the cruise..

Egypt Trip (Episode 5)

Day 5 Luxor (9 Nov 2010)
Valley of the Kings
Valley of the Kings is a valley where 64 of Egypt’s Pharaohs had their palatial resting places hewed into the sheer rock. They realized that the pyramids are too high profile and they shifted to the south and found this quiet spot to build their tombs.

Tombs are more important than palaces because the ancient Egyptian believe that afterlife is more important. The moment the King started to rule, he will start to build his tomb, the longer he lives, the larger is his tomb. Even up to today we still see workers trying to dig and discover new tombs in the valley.

The valley become famous with the discovery of the tomb of Tutakhamun, yong and not much achievement king, but his tomb is found complete, not robbed! We didn’t go into this one, because Isis said everything in the tomb has been moved to Egytian Museum, except the mummy. If we want to pay to see one mummy, we might as well pay to see all 22 mummies in the museum.

The entrance tickets allow us to go into any 3 of the tombs except Tutakhamun, and one of the Ramses tomb, Isis brings us to the entrance of the first tomb she recommended and give us the direction of the other two “You go straight and turn left, and you go all the way to the end” We thought it is straight forward but..

The first tomb is a small tomb well preserved (I think it is the tomb of Ramses IX, I think la..), most of the walls are covered with glasses but there is a section at the beginning where we can touch it with our own hand, drawing of thousands year old, it just so amazing to see the carving and the colours. Don’t remember any other details as no photos are allowed.

Then we go straight and turn left and we see the tomb of Thutmosis IV, it has corridor from one hall to another hall, tak habis habis.. We see his sarcophagus with nice carving inside out, we notice the egyptian are discriminating us. When they see ang moh they flash their torches to show them what is inside but when they see us, they buat tak tahu.

Ok, done with number two, as we head to the third tomb, we walked all the way to the end but we couldn’t find any tomb with a long staircase.. Luckily we bump into some of the tour members, and they told us they’ve just been to the one with long staircase.
Wow, the long staircase is really a LONG staircase, after a 5-10 minutes climb, we finally see the tomb of Thutmosis III. Too bad we didn’t bring any cameras down to the valley. You think we don’t want to? We are not allowed to! Isis told us we have to leave our camera at the counter if the security found out. Now we don’t remember much about all the things we have seen..

Temple of Queen Hatshepsut
Tour guide tell us if you can’t remember the name Hatshepsut, try to remember Hot Chicken Soup, sounds almost the same wo.. Hatshepsut is the first woman to rule Egypt and she rules as a man (we can see in all the monuments that she wears a male hair dress, male clothing, just the the Pharoah)

Hatshepsut is the daughter of a Pharoah and when the father dies, her half brother ascended to the throne. To become Pharaoh, her half brother marries Hapshepsut to keep to royal bloodline intact. But the half brother dies not long after the marriage and leaves her with a daughter and a son by another wife.

Due to the young age of the Pharaoh (her step son, Thutmosis I), Hatshepsut became his regent. They ruled together for a number of years until she proclaimed herself Pharaoh, she sends her step son to military school for training since young.

But after this step son grown up, the high priest persuaded him that he is living under the shadow of Hatshepsut and he vented his rage by sending his workmen around the land to smash her statues, demolish her monuments and erase her name.

Hatshepsut had obelisk constructed inside the temple, she claims that it took her 7 months to complete the obelisk when other kings normally take 3 years to complete.

Alabaster Factory
The workers there welcome us with very entertaining song to tell us how to differentiate real and fake alabaster, the real alabaster only has 3 colours: white, brown and green, and they will not break easily. Again all the factory visit provides us karkade drink and toilet facilities, nobody buy anything from them.
Colossi of Memnon
The Colossi of Memnon are two massive stone statues of Pharaoh Amenhotep III in the middle of nowhere. Both statues are quite damaged, with the features above the waist virtually unrecognizable, yes they are huge, yes they are made of one stone, but they are not impressive. Until later we read from a book in the library that these statues were supposed to just the statues of the outer gate of a temple which is destroyed by earthquake. Imagine how it is like before the earthquake..

Esna Lock
We return to the Nile Cruise and continue sailing after dinner, Isis told us to go to the sun deck as we may see some small boats selling clothes beside the cruise. We thought it is like the floating market in Bangkok and hell no!!! We got shock of our life when we see the man on a small boat approaching our huge cruise and throw the clothing up with 100% precision, all the way to the sun deck!!

People were screaming in excitement to see that. The sellers speak very good English and Italian, if you like the clothes that they throw up, you bargain the price and you throw the money back to the rowing boat in the plastic bag they keep the cloth. We saw a table clothe that is quite nice, and they ask for 180 LE, we wanted to bargain for 50? Hmmm.. maybe we said 30 LE? They show us bad language-_-!!!

We have no idea what is Esna Lock initially, after spending half an hour at the sun deck to “witness” the whole process, we finally realize that a lock is a device for raising boats between stretches of water of different levels on the river. Our ship goes into a fixed chamber that works like a lift, then they pump in the water to rise up the water level and the ship moves to the other side of the river.

Egypt Trip (Episode 4)

Day 4 Luxor (8 Nov 2010)
Wake up at 1am in the morning to take a domestic flight to Luxor. Sigh, what a wonderful hotel and we only get to sleep for … 2 hours? Instead of international buffet breakfast, we have to go to the airport in the middle of the night with our breakfast box, like so cham:(

Temple of Karnak
Luxor was called Thebes in the ancient Egyptian time, it has 2 huge temples in the city: Temple of Karnak and Temple of Luxor. These 2 temples are to be connected by 2 rows of Sphinx Avenue which is 2km long. They just made the discovery few months ago and we can still see the excavation work in progress.

The temple of Karnak is the largest religious complex in the human history, the complex contains a group of temples built by different kings across few centuries. Isis told us that we can not tell which king from the look of their faces because all their faces had been idealized and we can only differentiate them through their cartoush. We saw a huge statue of Ramses II at the temple, and Isis said he is a king that likes to erase other king’s work and put his name on it. Ngam dou dak?

Temple of Luxor
This is a very interesting temple, because you will see a modern mosque in the middle of the temple. Why? Because the temple of Luxor was not discovered until the people there were doing restoration work at the mosque.

They used to have 2 obelisks at the entrance of the temple, and the king of France saw it and ask the king of Egypt to give it to him as a present. The king of Egypt didn’t want to give both away and decided to give only one, and the king of France in return give Egypt a clock that is not working.

Nile Cruise
We embark on board to the very much looking forward Nile cruise. Well, everything seems alright until we decided to tour the other cruise and found out that we are the most cheh kai cruise around, reception, shops, swimming pool and even the canopy also of lower standard than the rest..

But the good thing is we have Jacuzzi bath tub in the room and the staff will fold the towel in animal/flower shape everyday on the bed. And the buffet breakfast, lunch and dinner is good. Over makan almost every meal, sometimes we wake up go jalan, come back eat, sleep, wake up, go jalan, come back eat, repeat 2-3 times but it is still within the same day, we felt like we were in Egypt for a month liao.

Egypt Trip (Episode 3)

Day 3 Cairo (7 Nov 2010)

We woke up 6am in the morning and go for a swim at the beautiful Mediterranean Sea. There is nothing to shout about the Alexandria, but the sea itself sets the perfect place for holiday.

Qaitbay’s Fort
Qaitbay’s Fort looks like one of the Disneyland castle, this is the place where one of the ancient wonders of the world, the Pharos lighthouse once stood. The lighthouse was ruined by earthquakes and Qaitbay used its debris in the construction of his fort.

This is just a photo shoot stop, we didn’t go into the fort, but we bought some souvenirs from the stalls nearby (and it turn out to be the cheapest and nicest souvenir of all time!!). We saw a bunch of people fishing at the sea side and their fishing rod is looooooooooong..

Pompey’s Pillar
Pompey’s Pillar has nothing to do with Pompey, it was initially a temple and the granite pillar is actually dedicated to Roman Emperor Diocletain. There was a famine after Diocletian besieged the city, the Emperor ordered some medicine to be given to the people of Alexandria. He exempted them from paying taxes during these hard times. For that they erected, in his honour, this memorial column.

Pompey is some Roman general that some believed, mistakenly, that his ashes, or the remains were in a pot at the top of the column. Thus today it is called “Pompey’s Pillar”.

Alexandria Library
Another photo shoot stop, land mark wo..

Catacomb
Catacomb was discovered when the people were trying to save a monkey that fell down into a hole. Again no photos were allowed. It is a family tomb lie 35 meter underground. In the centre of the 99 steps spiral stairways is the shaft through which the deceased were lowered by means of rope.
It has 3 different sections: 1 for the tomb of the family, 1 for dining room where the relatives feast (lots of broken table ware and wine jugs were found) and 1 for the burial chamber. It is believed that it started as a family crypt and later expanded to become big enough to accommodate 300 tombs altogether.

To Cairo
Tour guide told us the journey to Cairo is 2 hours, but the jam inside Cairo could be 2 hours as well, yes the traffic started in the long stretch of desert road and we see many new developments along the road. Some city are called 6th of October, because it is the last war with Israel, some street are called 26th of July, because that is their revolution day where they started to be a republic country.

Egypt Trip (Episode 2)

Day 2 Alexandria (7 Nov 2010)
Reach Alexandria, the tiny airport has only one luggage belt, and the immigration officer can even smoke at the counter! The first impression of Egypt was really so so.. We changed USD 150 into LE 855.75 (1 USD = 5.7 LE).

Our local tour guide, Isis is a very cheerful lady with all colour coordinated outfit everyday. She teaches us a Egyptian word “habibi” which means darling in English, and that’s how she call us during the whole trip. I can still remember her voice saying “Yalah, habibi, yalah” (Let’s go darling, let’s go)

Montazah Garden
Nothing much to see in Alexandria, went Montazah Garden, situated along the shore, which means access to the lovely beaches and warm Mediterranean Sea water nearby. Nice place to relax on weekend for the local, but for us that come all the way from Kuala Lumpur? I’m a bit disappointed with the arrangement.

Montazah Palace
The Palace was built by King Farouk, that’s why you can see the “F” letter words at all corners of the palace and the daughter and wife also named after some “F” letter words. Funny, the way I say it it’s like THE “f” letter word but trust me it is not, they are just Farouk family..

Quite a boring day until we reach the wonderful powderful hotel at the beach and until they serve us the Kardake (hibiscus drink). Karkade is my favourite local drink in Egypt and I wonder why we have plenty of hibiscus in Malaysia but no one knew that we could make it into drink?

Egypt Trip (Episode 1)

Day 1 Bahrain (6 Nov 2010)
Fly to Bahrain and Gulf Air is a relatively low cost airline, where you can choose the movie you like to watch but you cannot decide when you want to watch because like it or not they screen it all at the same time. And the air stewardess is not polite, no smiling face and serve you food as though you owe them money.

Arrived in Bahrain airport and lost our way, we could not find any of our tour members around, neither transit hall nor arrival hall. Called tour leader but she didn’t on her hand phone (the main point is later on we found out that this is the first time she comes to Egypt and she only joined the company only for 3 months, the rest of the stories I don’t want to tell, don’t want to remember her in the history)

When we first come out from the airport, we saw some cars covered with snow (winter ma..) and the driver corrected us “ it is sand, not snow” Malu betul… Lol

离婚

本来想上网看看在网路上可以找到什么挽救婚姻的方法，最近有两个女性朋友都告诉我她们有离婚的想法。虽然我并不是什么心灵辅导师，也不是什么婚姻专家，可是我觉得一个人在胡思乱想的时候是绝对非常需要一个善意乐观的朋友在身边鼓励开导，否则真的很容易就会想歪头脑，做错决定，后悔莫及。

我知道婚姻是两个人的事，也知道我并不能够做些什么。可是我真的在想，婚姻真的那么脆弱吗？其中一个朋友已经开始搜集关于离婚的资源，相关手续等等。你知道在马来西亚需要结婚至少两年才可以申请离婚吗？如果两年内申请离婚，你必须经过婚姻辅导课程证明两人的感情真的无法挽留法庭才会受理的。

我假装镇定，告诉这位朋友请不要去想如何离婚，请先去想如何挽留这段婚姻。毕竟新婚一两年，可能两人的生活还没有磨合，或者两人的目标还没有确定，或者两人的心态还没有调整，反正怎么样都好一定要大家一起努力过，争取过，千万不要轻易放弃。她知道，所以她给另一半多一次机会，可能是最后一次机会。

虽然马来西亚的离婚率不想西方国家的那么高：美国（51％），澳洲（49％）， 加拿大（49％），德国（44％）。天啊，你可以想像在美国离婚率竟然是51％，根本就是在赌大小，机率一半，我看报道意大利甚至有离婚展览，为大家提供离婚手续或相关的服务。是社会发达的错，还是道德不值钱，还是婚姻失去原有的意义？

同时在网上看到一本书《女人不狠，地位不稳》，里面叫现代女性如何变成三不女人，来保持婚姻的新鲜度。也有其他网站评论，这个三不原理，正好抓住男人的犯贱心理，所以很管用。我真的太天真了，婚姻竟然要有这么多谋算，计划，抓心理，使诡计，婚姻是那么黑暗的吗？白痴的我还以为真诚，坦白，互相体谅，互相尊重就可以了喔。

不过这本书说的一点很真，就是很多女人在婚姻中变成保姆（我觉得我绝对对跌入这个陷阱的其中一人）。为了爱老公，爱小孩，忘了爱自己，结婚几年，老公还容光焕发，做老婆的却看起来像老了十年二十年。圣经不是说过爱是凡事包容，凡事相信，凡事盼望，凡事忍耐，爱是永不止息。难道爱还要算过度过给多少刚好，给多少太多。

想到这里我有点迷路的感觉。。

No, I DO NOT have split personality!

It has occurred more than one time in my life that somebody commented that I have a split personality. As I was having lunch with Zephyr this afternoon, we were talking about a friend whose life is like a fairy tales.

Zephyr said “Oh come on, your relationship with Jon is not too bad either, right?” I said “Yeah, except the part that he thinks I am literally crazy. He is suffering with my split personality”. Zephyr got very excite with the term “Split Personality”. She nodded her head very hard and said “Me too, I also think you have split personality!!!!”

Okay, that makes me worry a little. Do I really have split personality? I remember in university days, there was a friend Jilian who studies psychology, she said “I want to use you as a subject when I do my master thesis.” “Really?” I feel proud for a moment until she said “Yup, I want to study you as you have SPLIT PERSONALITY”#*!%$!.

It was a long time ago and I almost forgotten about it. Jilian was my hang out kaki during university days, we always sneak out from hostel to “Ladies Night” together. When she saw my serious face studying in the library, she could barely recognize me, especially when she found out that I was on the Dean’s List for 6 consecutive semesters. Well, a clubber that study well does not qualifies me for split personality right?

Then come this Zephyr, we always b*tch together in office, she is my best-e-st buddy for heart to heart talk, office gossips, politic issues, health concern etc she is basically my Ms Thelma for everything. Though she knows 80% about my everything, I only know about 20% of her mysterious life (is it called the 80-20 theory?)

And out of no where she comes out with this conclusion that I have split personality, I asked her to elaborate. She said “It’s through my observation” I asked her to quote some example, she said “It’s beyond description”. Although she is a hard core supporter that “Annie has split personality”, I think we can discard her opinion in the case, lol.

For Tzeh, I know why he is suffering because sometimes I will ask him question like “Tzeh, half of myself said I want to go shopping, but the other half said I want to sleep, what should I do?”, “Tzeh, Annie A says you are a good husband and I should treat you nice and Annie B said you are not sensitive at all and I should hate you forever!”

I could be so loving that I kiss him non stop like a play toy and the next moment I am totally disgusted when he even touch my finger tips. I could be so “low battery” that I can barely walk one more centimeter and the moment I see a shoe shop I could literally fly to the shop no one can stop me. Sometimes Tzeh will ask me “So you are now Annie A or Annie B?”

Well, to a certain extend I do think I may have split personality. To further confirm the fact, I asked my best friend Google. Google said “ No, you do not have split personality because..”
1. A person with a split personality, undergoes change in the personality in just a few seconds. He then acts as a completely different person. He starts to imitate behaviourial traits, characteristics, name etc of the person he thinks he is. At times the person undergoes a change where they have alters of sexual orientation, genders, nationalities and ages.

(Yes, I may have changed into another personality in just a few seconds, but I am still myself, same sex, same nationalities, same age, maybe just different passion, different preference and different state of mind. I am not suffering from Split Personality!)

2. The patient looses his memory. He doesn’t remember things happened in his life over a long period of time or between a certain period of time. It so happens that once the patient comes out from the false personality into his normal self, he doesn’t remember what had happened to him.

(No, I did not lose my memory. I remember everything I said whether I am Annie A or Annie B or C or D. When I change from Annie A to B to C and back to A, I remember it was me, just a different part of me. I am not suffering from Split Personality!)

Split personality is a very dangerous disorder, but we just cannot leave the effected person alone. Accusing someone without a split personality to have a split personality is a very dangerous crime, please do not accuse me anymore. Maybe split personality is not the right term, please research further until you tag me with it.

P/S: Feel so relived after writing this self defense blog, yet Zephyr said “I still think u got split personalities anyhow....no need defend”

过滤过的回忆

最近给自己一个任务，就是在手机里删除所有过去没有用的短信。也不是说没有用，就是没有保留意义的短信。一看手机里有一千多封短信，心想怎么来一个一个看啊。可是心也想在换手机的时候可以保存一些甜蜜的回忆，否则越积越多，最后的解决方法要么全部删掉，要么全部保留。

我每天争取搭地铁的三十分钟看短信，首先把短信分门别类，有些短信广告是不需要考虑保留的，或者有些工作上的短信也没有必要保留，其实我的短信好像百分之八九十都是泽发给我的，我们用的家庭配套，可以无限制打电话，发短信。

在我一个一个短信看下去，感觉好像在walk down memory lane，有些大事小事，经过时间的冲洗，竟然几乎在回忆里失去。看到去年在新加坡的时候，泽突然间在我的婚事部落格大写文章，搞得我啼笑皆非，看到有时候我无理取闹，泽无奈发给我的申诉，看到泽临时决定做手术，我因为荷兰的航班取消无法赶回来的心慌。

然后看到最近8月份在新加坡期间的的那些短信，我犹豫了一下，要保留？还是要删除？保留，难道是想有事无事在自己的伤口上撒盐？删除，难道以后我永远不会看到我的心就不会那么痛？我最后还是删除了，因为我想至少以后当记忆慢慢消失的时候，没有一个短信残酷的提醒着我。

想到这里，我突然想起很多年前在电视看过的American Idol选拔赛，Simon明明对参赛者做出很多批评，可是这位参赛者非常有选择性的只听进Simon的开场白“其实你有一点潜质”，接下来的“可是这个。。。那个。。。所以你不能进选”等等的批评他一句都没有听进去。

当时候看到只觉得这个参赛者也很搞笑，摆明就是自欺欺人。可是回想起来，我们每个人也不是这样子，自己觉得开心、光荣、骄傲、幸福的时刻，就会想尽办法把时间停顿下来，照相机、录影机、部落格多媒体放送。可是对于伤心、黑暗、羞耻、寂寞的时刻，我们就很努力的隐藏，推到记忆的最角落，甚至催眠自己从来没有发生过。

那么我们对自己的记忆，是否想我过滤短信一样，也曾经过滤过？我们对自己的认识，也是否被自己的脑袋隐藏过什么？


P/S:
看完过去几百封几千封的短信以后，我问泽“泽，为什么在短信世界里，我都是你的老婆，宝贝，亲爱的，在现实世界里你却只叫我喂？”他回答我说“因为在短信世界里，你也每天对我微笑，疼爱，关心，在现实世界里你却只想揍我。”

吃饭

今天吃饭的时候远远看到两个同事，我刻意走到另外一个角落坐下来，原因是我不想参与别人的谈话，有时候我觉得和别人相处是一个很艰难的苦差，所以这几年来我几乎每天都是一个人吃饭。

虽然也有个别的同事是我很期待可以一起吃饭的。可是身为正常人，他们都有各自的makan kaki，只有爽爽或者什么节日才会一起吃饭。

就当我松下一口气准备坐下来的时候，看到对面又有其他同事坐在那里，我竟然马上转头，又换了一张桌子坐下来。突然间感觉自己怎么沦落成过街老鼠，人见人恨吗？做错事吗？为什么？

过去我经常安慰自己说，现在办公室已经没有多少人，而且都是不同部门的同事，我的部门只有我自己一个人在这个办公室，所以没有kaki和我吃饭是情有可原的。

可是，今天在food court看到这里有同事，那里有同事，又不是说不认识，又不是说没有吃过饭，为什么自己变成一个如此不受欢迎的角色呢？不知道在别人眼里是怎么看我？孤僻鬼？自闭症？神秘感？神经病！

原来以前我都趁别人吃饭时间还没到就溜出去吃饭，所以没有碰到过这么多同事。原来以前我不在吃饭时间吃饭就为了不想和打交道，也不用让别人用惊奇的眼光问我“为什么一个人吃饭？”而且更不用在吃饭时间还在讨伦无聊的公事。

可是，为了想晋升为一个正常的“正常人”，我是否要考虑和别人吃饭？怎样？无端端跑去问别人的圈子“请问我可以和你们一起吃饭吗？”好久以前曾经和部门秘书的一群kaki一起吃饭，别人十八岁，pok pok chui的话题我真的一句话都搭不进去啊。。

我有病吗？难道一个人吃饭就不正常吗？

我看到身边很多同事因为工作关系日见夜见，建立起非常深厚的感情，是羡慕啊。以前我那份工作也有很好的朋友，甚至离职以后都是很好的朋友。我也想要啊，可是我现在的工作就是不需要的任何人打交道，不需要和任何人见面，是和我绝配吗？还是害成今时今日的我？

我想，我应该是有病吧。。。

结婚一年的遐想

结婚周年纪念那一天，我问泽“老公，为什么我们现在没有以前那么恩爱了呢？才一年，我感觉好像完全没有激情了喔。”泽理所当然的回答我说“亲爱的，事实是这样。从前我们都用Heart在思考，不用考虑现实，只是每天很想见面，所以什么疯狂的事情都做得出；现在呢，我们已经学会用Brain思考，不用什么罗曼蒂克，只是踏实的过日子，所以什么事情都要分轻重。”

虽然听了感觉有点不爽，可是泽说得好像也很有道理。以前那种心跳脸红的感觉已经很久没有出现过，以前那种展转难眠的日子也没有机会尝试了。可是这一年来我们更认识对方，更认识自己，能够容纳各自的生活习惯，能够接受各自的生活要求，更重要的事，这一年来我们深深体会到“爱，不只是feeling而已”。Feeling可以让我们生气，寂寞，冲动，愤怒，失落，内疚，后悔，可是Love可以让我们从容面对生活里的一切喜怒哀乐。

回想起刚开始那几个月，我们很久都没有睡过一顿好觉，要不就是半夜起来抢被子，要不就是被推到床边快掉下来，有时候甚至生气到开灯拿电话把对方烂睡的样子拍下来，明早睡醒再来投诉。同时我也体会到不同家庭的Culture Shock，哈？为什么你的爸爸妈妈可以为孩子打理所有大小事务？哈？为什么所有活动都必须全家大小一定参与？哈？为什么有事没事都要打电话给外婆报告？

现在想起来，我们结婚第一年真的可以分成几个阶段来Bench Mark，第一部分就是“惊吓期”，接下来第二部分就是“接受期”。相处几个月以后，我们逐渐找到适应对方的生活方式。泽不用专门迁就我提早睡觉（我是个极度喜欢睡觉的动物），我也可以在他踢球的周末打扫房间，做作运动。家庭成员的参与，家庭活动的安排，我也开始接受这种我以为电视剧里才有的亲密关系（我是个极度享受自闭的人类）。

第三部分也分类为“惊吓期”，可是这次的惊吓比第一次的惊吓更为恐怖。相处整年下来，我们竟然发觉自己有了对方的DNA。从前喜欢事事预先计划，做事井井有条的我，竟然发现星期天醒来，对周末完全没有规划，到时候想做什么就做什么吧。从前喜欢东西乱丢，无时无刻找不到房间里东西的泽，竟然在当我找不到我的相机的时候，告诉我相机这种电子产品我们一般收在右手边第一个柜子，第二个抽屉。什么嘛？！！？！

到了现在，我们是夫妻的事实已经渐渐sink in在我们的脑海，我们的生活，我们的identity。虽然我们每天还是像欢喜冤家一样喜欢弄对方生气，又喜欢得到对方的欢心，有时候假装第一次约会，有时候假装老板和秘书（其实我们的家就是我们一起创立的企业，有时候还有股东大会，业绩汇报，婚姻就像一盆生意，也要花功夫去投资，花心机去经营，更要花时间去看待）。

虽然我们还没有正式有自己的狗窝，自己的小孩，可是我相信，这条路，只要一直走下去。我们会继续成长，我们会更了解自己，更体会别人。希望一年后的今天我还有时间去遐想，呵呵。希望我到时候不会变成黄脸婆，老太婆。。

R&D Wedding (3)

今天的心情非常沉重，两年前我听到好友的结婚消息，兴奋得开始我人生第一个部落格，还清楚记得当天晚上我们在家乡那一间mamak档，吃maggi goreng，喝milo ais。。。

两年后的昨天，R告诉我她竟然需要把我写的部落格打印出来，提醒自己当初为什么会嫁给身边这个男人。是多么可悲的景象！我第一个反应“你是不是PMS？肯定是荷尔蒙影响你的情绪，你在胡思乱想！”不是，还早呢。。

“不是？！那就是side effect，是你最近失眠看医生吃的药影响你的情绪？”不是，这个事情不是突然间发现的事实，是两年来累积验证的结果。我发觉我已经不爱这个男人了。我甚至可以坚决的告诉他“我不爱你了，我要离开你了。”

“可是，我上一次见到你，你还想和他生个宝宝？你不是这个样子的！”之前是因为身边亲朋戚友给我很多压力，我一时没有搞清楚状况，看到别人有自己也想有。现在的我，根本没有信心，完全不想和这个男人建立自己的家庭。

我开始感觉到头很晕，心很慌。爱情，真的只是一种感觉？爱情过去的时候，婚姻也要一起消失吗? 虽然说婚姻是一个承诺，可是为了遵守一个承诺，要逼自己面对一个不爱的人一辈子吗？我还真的愣了一下。

无论我怎么说，R总有她的理由、她的解释，反正满脑海浬来来去去只有几句话“我怕不爱他！”，“我不开心！”“我要离开！”我尝试很客观的告诉她，婚姻是需要用心去经营，天下没有完美的爱情，每个家庭都有自己的问题，每个人在爱情里都要付出，不能轻易说放弃就放弃。

我以为这种场面只有电视剧里才有，我真的不知道要怎么开导我最亲爱的朋友，可是我希望R能够好好看清楚自己，看清楚这段婚姻，给自己和D一个机会，好好努力过，尝试过，不要仓促做决定。离婚，并不代表潇洒，也不代表解脱。

当然，我想看到的结局是过两天R可以告诉我真的是PMS，或者是副作用，甚至妄想症。然后又开始幸福的煮饭给老公吃，好好做一个贤良淑得得好老婆。对，我感觉就是这样，一个人独自抑郁太久，就会自己钻牛角尖，明明一粒小黑豆，看起来像大巨石一样。只要把小黑头放长距离去看，很快就会发觉去除了眼前得小黑头，世界竟然如此美好。

任何人可以做任何工作的公司 （3）

在新部门刚满一周，整体感觉还是非常愉快的。。首先，我搬到了另外一个小双子塔，本来心里并不是很愿意，因为这个办公室比我停车的地方比较远，要走一段路，又要提早上班，延迟下班。可是这个办公室的本地员工很多，人气很旺，主要我部门领导同事正好在这里出差，Laura让我过来向大家学习学习，也正好利用这次机会给大家认识认识，以后好办事（高明啊。。）

搞笑的事，那天我在办公室看到一个熟悉的面孔，以前同一办公室的，我就很随意的说了一句“好久没有见到你啊”，他也礼貌性得点头。后来我在电梯里和邱婉明聊天，说我最近很忙，整天在培训什么的，这个人又眇了我一眼，我一看他的工卡，竟然是WZ！！！ 天啊，我的未来副主管！！ 白痴！！幸好没有在电梯多多投诉，否则我的下半生就完了，完了。。其实我之前对这个人也不认识，我也不知道那天有主动和他寒暄，难道这就是天意？！

第一天在新部门上班的前一晚，我还紧张的睡不着，真的啦，没有胡扯。因为在新的环境，新的同事，新的工作，其实和在新公司上班的感觉是差不多的，尤其现在的工作和我之前的工作完全没有任何关系，我什么都要重新学起，其实比跳槽转工更痛苦。尚且之前听了那么多关于BB的流言蜚语，我心里真的很害怕，加上我的工作几乎每天要给很多高层领导发邮件，有什么出错很容易直接被废了，很怕。。很怕

一星期的相处起来，我觉得我对我部门的领导同事有了新的了解，对我的部门工作有了比较具体的体会，也对我未来工作有了一定的“心里有数”。最庆幸的是BB并不像是自己想像中一样“皇帝身边的太监”还记得么？至少我了解到他和下属相处挺融洽，同事们对他说话也不需要处处忌讳，我对Laura的工作非常支持，很多事情就是需要想他这样的老油条来推动。

以前总是不明白为什么身为领导总有很多内部的应酬，不明白为什么每天嘻嘻哈哈也算是工作，现在我体会到领导其实没有实际需要干活的，可是很多时候你就是需要他们帮你开口，让他们下面的苦力干活。工作本来就是他们的职责，可是有个领导帮你放话，事情就事半功倍了，好过你发的一千一百封邮件。我比较认可的是，他每次看到Laura的邮件，都会主动把底层没办法解决的问题一次过搞定。他虽然语气比较粗鲁，可是毕竟可以把问题解决。

惨了。。惨了，每到一星期时间，我竟然开始欣赏曾经让我想逃命的人物，很搞笑。我相信一切都是上帝在主宰，之前前前后后想过无数个我想要的结局，从来没有想到这样的安排。所以说，上帝给我们的，比我们一切可以想要的都来的更好，更完美。我们看到的只有明天，他看到的是我们整个未来。

另外两个同事给我的印象的非常好， WZ副主管是个说话非常客户的人，也不是假惺惺的那种客气，就是不会向其他人大声讲话的那种。而且那是个非常踏实的人，不会贪图名牌，不会喝酒（待核实），别人都取笑他戴的眼镜太便宜（像是毕业生戴的，才两百多块钱），相比BB全身名牌，连太阳眼镜都是万宝龙4千块钱人民币啊。。什么是万宝龙？Mont Blanc啦

WB同事是做事比较负责任的那种，每晚无论加班到几晚，他都会九点多一点就到办公室，是个非常正直的人，本来以为工号那么小肯定是个没有经验的小伙子，结果是个很认真为公司付出的人，BB也经常取笑他说每天抢别人的活干；中午饭吃晚了，他会要自己打车回办公室的那种。公司竟然还有这样的人，真有点不敢相信。所以说在这种大环境下工作，我觉得我还算是幸福的，这是我的工作第一周总结，希望以后不要自己毁掉自己的美好回忆，希望我现在看到的一切都是真的，不会出现第二个美人

任何人可以做任何工作的公司 （2）

第一天培训的3个小时，感觉上还挺简单的，就是要维护某数据，定时定候发出周报，月报，季度报，半年度报，年度报，反正就是不断的整理数据，不断的发出通报，没有什么太复杂的。谁人做的好，表扬一下，谁人做的不好，批评一下。你看？是不是？我说了，我们的工作就是汇总，点评，不会有很大的难度。在我的公司管理部门就是做这种活，我相信自己在管理部门那么多年，这种工作应该难不了我。以前一直都是直接和客户线主管打交道，现在换成和产品线主管打交道而已嘛。

唯一的不好就是因为要那么频密的发出各种各样的通报，月初，月底，季度初，季度末，年初，年底，都不适合请假，因为这个数据非常机密，只有我们部门才可以拿到。（为什么我每次都要处理这种机密信息？还是公司根本没有什么信息是不机密的？）扣除这些每周，每月，每季度，每年度的作战日子不可以请假，我想不到一年到尾我有什么时候是可以请假的了。惨了惨了。。以前就是因为随时会有展会，不能提前请假，现在应为无时无刻写报告，有不能随便请假。命苦啊

哦，忘了说，第一天培训完以后，Laura马上就写报告给两位领导告知进展，今天培训了什么，计划什么时候开始给我做，明天培训什么，需要我马上申请什么。这个人，真的还systematic了，不过她也说得对，我越快上手来做，就会越快熟悉起来，趁她还在得时候任何问题可以问她。而且正在现在季度末冲刺，我做过一次，下次就会很轻松了。

第二天又培训了3个小时，这个女孩子思路很清晰，做事很细心。从头到位解释完了以后，我发现一个天大的坏消息，原来这个工作需要在每季度末的最后一天留下来加班到24：00，等到所有系统关闭以后要把冲刺结果短信邮件发给各个领导。天啊，我第一个想到的是new year eve所有人在count down的时候我应然要在办公室倒数sales target。 第二个想到的是我的部门有关的人都不和我在同一个办公室，难道要我一个人留到24：00，太恐怖了！不爽，很不爽，不知道怎样办！

可是后来想想，一年有几个季度末，最多4个，而且这个工作我也不一定会长久做，先试试看呗。可能我加入部门以后，工作效率大幅度提高，再也不用搞到三更半夜呢。。

反正在地区部管理部门的工作就是这样，说起来也不是我们的活，可是就只有我们可以掌握齐全信息，所以所有部门都会找我们要数据，所以只有我们可以给领导报进展，target达到又不是我们可以分花红，target达不到我们也不用挨批。虽然说我要stay back 看监控和确保所有sales及时可以输入系统，可是最紧张的人肯定不是我。所以目前为止我对这份工作的态度还是保持positive的。

之前一直不愿意离开MKT的行列，后来想想在这间公司，任何人都可以做任何人的工作，没有什么背景不背景，专业不专业，甚至有某个自以为牛鼻的领导说了这么一句话：“我在公司这么多年，有什么部门我没有管过？没有！几乎所有部门我都呆过，所有部门我都管过！”
我心里在想，那是因为你十分有才干，什么都能管？还是十分无能，所以每个部门都管不起来？所以我过了4年才转一个部门，应该是算非常难得的了，是因为我太能干？没有可以代替我？还是我太无能，没有其他人要我，我宁愿不去想，嘻嘻

为什么说任何人都可以做任何工作，其实这个是有乾坤的。因为你身在地区部管理部门，你的工作很多就是组织，监控，管理，协调，没有什么实际的工作，只要把所有需要打交道的人物关系表搞出来，谁干活谁主管，发发邮件，打打电话，汇总汇总，通报通报，估计就是差不多了。这都是我的强项啊。。以前都和客户线领导打交道，现在和产品线领导打交道，想想在我们公司，产品线的人比客户线简单多，单纯多，应该难不倒我吧^-^

任何人可以做任何工作的公司 （1）

关于我的工作岗位调动，从开始到现在拖拖拉拉整整4个月时间，中间有过过百个不同的说法，一是说部门不变，工作要变，一时说部门要变，工作不变，一时说。。反正变来变去我也忘了到底有多少个说法。可是就在2010年6月23日，就在我刚搞完最后一次的新加坡展会到马来上班的第三天，接到BB先生的电话 “怎么样？你现在可以开始我们这里的工作了吗？我给你安排xxx，xxx和xxx工作，好吗？我暂时就想在这些，以后的再说。如果美人休假你就帮忙顶一下她的工作，要是以后她真的走了，你才接手。你说呢？

唉，到了今时今日这样的地步，我还可以说什么呢？第一，自己已经下定决心留在这里，好好呆下去，第二，至少不是之前那个烦死人不要命的活，我还能怨什么吗？我还客气的回答“一切听从领导安排”。至少到目前为止，我对Mr. BB先生的印象还是非常positive的。好几次安排我的工作他都会先打电话和我沟通。完了才正式发邮件告诉大家，抄送我以前领导的领导（记得么？就是他帮我挡了一劫，否则我早就被骗去做那个烦死人的工作了）

说到这里，我自己在想。是我以前对他了解错误，还是现在才是了解错误呢？至少我没有看到或听到任何关于他的任何不雅动作或者暴力行为。是一个人地位高了以后态度就不一样，思想成熟，作风稳定？还是上帝真的听到我的害怕的呼唤，把他改变了？这个，有待揭晓。

话说回来，我现在的工作目前有一个叫Laura的女孩子要做，BB先生的邮件发出去没多久，我就接到Laura的电话，说什么时候方便沟通一下工作交接的事。其实她很早已经做好准备要把手里的工作交接给另外一个来接她的女孩，反正现在BB先生说先把一部分的内容交给我，就先交给我呗。

我对这个Laura的印象非常好，一来很友善，二来很专业，她准备的工作交接文档非常细致，每一个环节，每一个步骤写的清清楚楚，甚至每个报告要发给那些人都清楚列出来，什么苦难找谁求助也包含在内，感觉上就是很想快快把这个工作丢出去，以后天塌下来也不要找我的样子。现在的我就是这个样子，总觉得每个人背后都有机心，每个动作背后都有利益关系的考虑，很难相信别人。

其实自己不知不觉的也变成这种人，那天的一个好朋友在新加坡长谈了1个小时，就是关于在公司工作的点点滴滴，如何受不了身边许多虚伪的人，许多搞关系的人，许多推卸责任的人，或者因为表现差就不用做很多的人。其实很多时候也想把自己搞成表现差就不用做很多事情的人物，可是每次都过不了自己那关，觉得没有做好自己的工作对不起自己，结果就越做越多。

我现在在新的部门，其实也衡量过自己要扮演什么角色，要如何和同事相处，要不要讨好主管，要不要表现自己。想好好扮演一个本地员工的角色，因为一般情况主管对本地员工的要求比较宽松，毕竟语言的障碍和文化的差异，本地员工是不会为了工作卖了条命。可是又想努力工作，表现自己可以和中方员工付出一样的努力，同样的执着要做好自己的工作，博取最大的认同和奖励。想要自己一个人独立操作，把和其他同事打交道的机会减到最低，不想因为了解而憎恨他们。同时又想好好融入一大大部门的生活，感觉上班有点人气，不想每天上班下班都是一个人机械人般的活动。

很可惜，意志输给了利益，之前因为和猪肉荣的关系不好，搞得我每天上班都很不开心，现在有一个新的开始，我真的想把我机会，不要造成任何的冲突。尤其听说他对本地员工很刻薄，我更要好好把握，尽量不要得罪他。我竟然在他发给大家的邮件基础上回复“很高兴加入xx部们的大家庭，我会尽最大努力学习、做好份内工作，请各位前辈多多指教！”这么虚伪的话我也说得出来，讲真的，我也有点佩服自己。什么时候变成他们的一份子？什么时候喜欢做门面功夫，什么时候处处充满机心？我不想！我不想的！可是我更不想年底的时候没有花红，以后没有好日子过。。

masak-masak （4）

第一次感受到当“师奶”的乐趣，上周泽的妈妈留了很多煮食材料给我们，weekday没有人愿意下厨，所以我在周末的时候做了2菜1汤的晚餐给泽和泽姐姐吃。哇，原来可以为全家人准备晚餐的那种成就感和幸福真的是mou dak ding（无得顶）！

首先我。。哎哟！我第一次解剖一只鸡叻，好恐怖恐怖！那是某某亲戚送给泽妈妈的kampung鸡，所以不想pasar的那种全清洗干净，去完皮的那种。我还要把剩下的鸡毛一条一条拔出来，然后用淘米水浸泡，用姜煮沸去腥，然后。。然后就一刀！大大力的砍不下去。。结果一只好好的鸡，被我碎尸万段。本来应该切成4快的鸡，中间的尾龙骨一直砍不断，变成两块手，两块脚和两段尾龙骨。

哦，还有还有，切好小块，还要去皮，so that鸡汤不会太油。不好意思，搞了一整天忘记告诉你其实我是要炖鸡汤啦。。皮要怎么去掉呢？忘了上网google一下，随便啦，就在哪里切一刀然后把皮连根拔起。太恐怖了，太恐怖了，原来餐桌上美味无穷的鸡汤背后有着那么凄惨动听的故事。让我对鸡突然间有点反感。

好了好了，终于都完成第一步骤，当时是下午2点半，泽问你煮晚餐需要现在就开始准备吗？唉，我也不想啊，准备好了，晚上就很直接很简单了呀。。搞完鸡就把买回来的包装参须鸡汤材料加冷水煮滚，然后才倒进slow cooker慢慢炖。其实也不用那么麻烦，只是internet写如果要鸡汤好喝，这些就是小小的窍门。下一次我不用窍门，看看有没有分别。

另外准备了一道黑椒牛肉粒，把牛肉粒准备好，加入腌料放在冰箱里，晚上只需要拿出来炒，加一道清蒸鳕鱼，就是我们3人的第一个晚餐。泽的弟弟正好生日，在马六甲和爸妈庆祝生日，没有福气欣赏我们的2菜1汤。。还有就是蒸饭，经过多次经验，好像已经掌握到蒸饭的时间，水和米的比例，也比较轻松了。

傍晚六点，泽就吵着肚子饿。我把米拿去蒸炉开大火蒸，准备好鱼，打算饭蒸了10分钟以后放进鳕鱼一起蒸10分钟，加个炒牛肉里，30分钟可以开饭。这个时候泽姐姐说我想要去跑步，很快回来。我又回到房间不耐烦的看着，等着，好期待嘛，第一次做饭给家人吃，我自己爸爸妈妈都还没有有如此待遇呢（想起来还真有点惭愧）。

终于过了15分钟，泽姐姐回来了。我赶紧把鱼放进蒸炉，开始炒牛肉粒，也是用喼汁、酱油、糖、栗粉和水就可以搞定了。其实最近学的都是腌制好就很容易煮的食谱。盛汤，上座，我们的晚餐。。哇，这鸡汤好好喝，好甜喔，心里高兴的不得了。这鱼也蒸到刚刚好，不会太熟，心里又高兴的不得不得了，牛肉还可以，可能洋葱太多有点点酸，不过overall好吃！

充满理性的泽在这个时候又要发挥那个专业技能“这个鸡汤材料多少钱？这只鸡是别人送的，如果自己买要多少钱？这个鳕鱼多少钱？妈妈买的？大概多少钱？这个牛肉多少钱？”算着算着总共40块钱，3个人吃，加上长时间准备，长时间洗碗，嗯，不划算。 超级扫兴！

P/S:
最近泽姐姐没有上班，我把找到的食谱翻译好Email给她，她在家里提早准备腌制，我们现在experiment过苹果瘦肉汤，台湾盐酥鸡和大蒜炒菜，今晚还要继续挑战marmite猪肉面。爽啊，看来我真的爱上了做饭这个游戏。 当初还是sherleen告诉我当人妻以后要好好照顾家人，不要每次都吃外边，不健康，谢谢你启发了我！

masak-masak （3）

昨天第一次在厨房发生意外事故，是的，我的手被烫伤了。昨天心血来潮想要煮什么东东给泽吃，上网看了半天，好！晚上就煮柠檬鸡翼，泽喜欢吃的东东都是deep fry或者什么高难度的台湾面，想要做饭给他吃还真不容易。看看大部分食谱虽然都还简单，但都是要提前腌制2－3小时，我又不想等到明天才煮。完了，最近真的沉迷在masak-masak这个游戏。

我好不容易看到一个材料又简单，时间又短，又不需要腌制的食谱。正在泽的母亲前天买了一堆的柠檬忘了带回去，我就欢天喜地的抄下食谱，详细检查有没有家里没有的材料，这道菜真的非常简单，材料只需要鸡翅，柠檬，蚝油，蜜糖也少许盐，没有啦，简单吧？

我又趁午餐时间跑去Isetan 超市，像傻婆一样，看到每一样菜都异常兴奋，看到每个牛肉都有清楚标注那个部位，什么煮法，根本就是为我而做的嘛。。上周去SS2 菜市场都没有看到有人卖牛肉和羊肉，害我专门又跑去Giant，乱七八糟买了好多东西花了好多钱。在Isetan看到连猪肉也有卖，真的是太爽了，以后可以每天下来买菜，回家煮饭，幸福！

我打算给自己煮饭，泽的姐姐在Pasar Malam随手给我买了西兰花（3颗蔬菜任选才五块），然后再给泽煮一个柠檬鸡翅，应该就Perfect了吧。谁知道Rothman Roundabout这个烂交通圈，让我堵了extra15－20分钟，回到家已经快七点半了。 急急忙忙准备好蒸饭，焖西兰花，用牛油炒草菇装饰，然后开始做我的重头戏－柠檬鸡翅。

一开始用盐把鸡翅洗干净，沥水。哦，还有还有，因为我买的的整个鸡翅，我怕难熟，还费好大力气把鸡中翼折断，切成两块。然后呢，准备所有的材料，开火，热锅，放油。就在我一块一块把鸡翅放进锅里，不知道怎么其中一块鸡翅下锅的时候溅油，把我的左手烫伤，第一次被油烫到，还真的很痛，就那么丁一小点就那么痛，我不能想像那些火灾烧伤的人怎么忍受。我马上跑去洗手间找牙膏来涂，我也不知道对不对，反正直觉告诉我应该就是牙膏啦。

涂完以后，还要硬着头皮，把鸡翅煎完，煎到一半才发觉刚才放的油是8个鸡翼准备的，娘的，我才买了4个鸡翼啊，还好其他的材料都还没有下锅，否则真的不能吃了。好不容易把多于的油重新盛起来，跟进recipe book写的几分钟后下蚝油，转小火，盖锅焖几分钟。

Recipe book写的是焖到收汁就差不多，可是我看怎么越来越多水似的（今天妈妈才告诉我鸡翅是出水的，好奇怪），我也不知道该怎么办了，不可能把汁全捞调吧，再等两分钟？还是一样，不管了，按照最后步骤加入柠檬汁。搞定！把鸡翅用筷子夹起来，热乎乎的送到泽的面前。

泽看了桌上的晚餐说“我吃鸡翅，你吃白饭青菜，也好像太凄惨了吧？”我说“才不凄惨，给你做饭是我的幸福！赶快试试看，能不能吃？”哈哈，看到了没？我关注的不是好不好吃，而是能不能吃，上次的羊排经验太深刻了，还没有恢复过来。泽咬了一口说，可以啊，挺香的。我心里才松了一口气。。

自己试吃，味道还可以，反正有蜜糖的甜味，只是鸡翅好像不够入味，以后还是乖乖腌制比较可靠。第二天醒来，果然手背起了泡。。

masak-masak （2）

接下来要挑战的是Black Pepper Lamb，泽的最爱，反正什么黑椒羊扒，牛扒，鸡扒，猪扒，只要是黑椒的他都超喜欢，尤其是Kenny Roger Roaster 的黑椒汁，每次都会念念不忘。为了满足他的味蕾，我决定到处寻找黑椒秘方，上网找了数千篇文章、部落格，终于找到一些材料比较简单的recipe，其实看来看去都是那一样基本材料，只是不知道什么比例，什么腌制法好吃而已。

周六我们去Pasar Pagi买菜，拿着我小小的笔记本，像寻宝一样，慢慢挑，还要慢慢核对，深怕买漏了什么东西。谁知道SS2这个菜市竟然没有人卖羊肉或者牛肉！我们又不想煮鸡肉或者猪肉，结果逼着又跑到Giant专门去找羊肉。每次到Giant都会很自然买很多零食和其他平时不认为需要买的东西，结果又花了100多块钱，好浪费哦。

我们第一次尝试（是的，我们几乎整个礼拜都在吃黑椒羊排，原因其一是羊排不能放太久，其二就是我们很不爽没有做到好吃的黑椒汁），是跟着某某blogger的秘方，用Worcestershire Sauce（我不知道中文怎么说，香港人叫喼汁，中国人叫辣酱油，是一种调味料，味道酸甜微辣，色泽黑褐，是黑椒汁少不了的调配料，加上瓶装黑椒汁，糖，粗黑椒粉加水。

不好吃！一点都不好吃！感觉上好像直接从Giant买回来已经腌制好的羊排更好吃。可是妈妈说这些通常都是用卖不出，不新鲜的羊肉做成，最好不要买来吃。也忘了做出来是什么味道，反正就是一连印象都没有留下的味道，丁一点满足感都没有。

好了，过两天我们又尝试第二个配方，台湾某某网站里找到的，感觉比较中餐的那种黑椒汁，调配料有蚝油，糖，葱，水，酱油，蒜头和黑椒。最出来的味道还可以，可是黑椒汁感觉就像很干的汁，不想在外面参观可以一大碗一大碗给你添加的稀稀的感觉，而且还有很多乱七八糟的渣，卖相一点都不好看。呵呵

好了，又过了两天（我还没有放弃啊？没有，羊排还没有煮完），我又在一个马来西亚当地blogger的网站找到一个超级简单的秘方，这位aunty的神秘武器就是鲜奶！原来全脂鲜奶可以很神奇得把黑椒汁的味道变得很香，texture变得很美，而且也不需要一大堆其他的配料来陪衬，这个aunty这的救了我一命。加上玉米粉，这个黑椒汁就几乎完美了，只是不知道为什么做出来还是很少，不能一大碗一大碗still。

在这么完美的黑椒汁配合，我把牛排放进锅里煎，小心翼翼的翻动，还用刀叉切开一小块，看是否已经煮熟（我做饭最大的懊恼就是不知道这些东西什么时候熟），好像羊肉都已经变色，应该可以了吧？太熟肉变老就不好吃了，我赶紧叫泽过来开餐，怎么知道他一刀切下去，肉还是鲜红色，一点都不熟，把他吓一条。

他取笑我说通常到餐馆点羊扒，别人会问“先生，请问您要点well done还是medium？”以后如果你要开餐馆的话看来得问““先生，请问您要点cooked还是not cooked？”唉，笨蛋！笨蛋！笨蛋！简直是无脸见人了！！！

P/S：
虽然如此，我还总算学会了做mashed potato, 每次快做好的时候就让泽把马薯泥压扁，加奶油、鲜奶和黑椒，结果他每次都装模作样的说“哟！我也会煮喔”“好好吃喔”晕～

masak-masak （1）

结婚那么久，都没有真正下厨。印象中好像做过一次chicken cordon bleu，而且是佣人实在看不过眼，在旁面帮忙的那种。反正每天回到家里都已经身体力尽，最想在最短时间搞定晚餐，回家休息，往往都是随便打包回家吃。泽因为工作忙碌也没有经常陪我吃饭。

上个月泽出差两周，正好我这阵子因为工作调整也比较闲，想到爽爽自己学做饭。原因是我一个人在家，生活很规律，十点半可以上床，所以给自己煮一顿饭也不算太过麻烦。加上泽不在家，我又不用迁就他到外面吃，自己想吃什么就煮什么。

第一天买了一个西兰花，想说是最容易的了，只要在水里烫熟就可以吃，不可能会失败吧。非常抱歉，我好像这一辈子都没有做过饭，只怪以前在家煮妈妈太好，每顿饭都不用我们帮手。大学的时候还会煮三几道菜给自己吃，而且都是妈妈买好材料，一个一个步骤告诉我怎么做怎么做，我只要机械人般的follow instruction就可以，所以现在完全没有印象。

话说回来，就在我想要煮西兰花的时候，才发觉连我以为最简单的菜式也装满一大门的学文，妈妈说把水煮沸，要家少许盐、糖和油，具体为什么我也不知道。而且千叮万咛说一定要买澳洲的西兰花，中国的西兰花不好吃。

好了好了，我趁午饭时间去Cold Storage买菜，看到澳洲的西兰花，小小一颗五块钱，感觉上价格应该还可以。怎么知道回到办公室刘依玲笑我说怎么那么贵买一颗西兰花？Giant 或Jusco才卖三块钱左右，更不要提pasar pagi了。唉，第一次做饭就被骗，真白痴！我自己安慰自己，有时候convenient 是要付出代价的。。

回到家里兴致勃勃，第一次做饭，正好泽的弟弟煮Spaghetti，剩下一些Mushroom Sauce，我就刚好可以煮意大利面条来配菜。说实在的，我心里还是战战兢兢，很怕煮出来不能吃很丢脸啊（家里没有人就无所谓，家里还有泽的姐姐弟弟两名观众喔）。还好泽的姐姐在旁指点一下，告诉我青菜在水里冒出青色的汁应该就已经煮熟，否则我还傻傻跟着recipe book 计算时间 (是的，我有一本recipe book，都是我手抄的哦)。

嗯，第一次下厨，感觉还是挺好的，自己煮出来的东西，怎么难吃都是幸福的。虽然西兰花是贵了一点，还是绝对值得（以后又煮了几次，感觉就是没有在Cold Storage买的好吃）。后来第二天，好像又煮了葱油豆腐，不好吃，然后又煮了其他什么东西我也忘了，都是一些材料很简单，步骤很简单的菜，虽然不好吃，可是那种成就感啊。。爽！

后来开始想要学煮饭， literally煮饭，因为之前都是学做菜，一个人煮饭好像很麻烦，而且我也不会煮，internet只有叫人家用电饭锅煮饭，或者蒸饭，我一个人真么不知道怎么煮。鼓起勇气跑去问刘依玲，又被嘲笑一番，说我真的很白痴，娇生惯养什么都不懂，反而我觉得她平时左看右看都不像是会做饭的人，突然间正正经经叫我做饭，让我非常崇拜，呵呵。

好了，第一次蒸饭，总算成功了（有可能失败吗？），虽然米明显放太多，水相对的放更多，吃了一半，心想另外一半第二天可以做炒饭。怎么知道第二天炒饭，加了所有配调竟然又变成两碗饭，好神奇喔。。害我几乎每天都吃太饱。当然我这个炒饭也一点都不好吃，除了有腊肠的味道，一点都感觉不到那是一碗炒饭（火候不够，我几乎都在用小火来炒）
不要笑我，我已经很努力在学了。。

认识自己

一直都没有好好认真仔细去学习自己，认识自己。直到前几个月公司组织结构变动，要把我调到其他部门，负责其他的工作，我立马就想到辞职不干。为什么？原因有很多

第一、 那个部门的主管是个蛮人，在公司横行霸道，极度粗鲁，认不认识他的人都会评知觉感觉到他是个盘符财权，好色好财的小人，最好的比喻就是皇帝旁边的太监！
第二、 那个部门的同事是个美人，在公司知名度很高，抚媚迷人，不认识她的人都会认为她是个工作认真，努力学习的好人，其实真正身份只有我最清楚，最好的比喻就是在太后面前百般奉承，在后宫狠毒欺压其他妃子――皇帝身边的妃子！
第三、 那个部门的工作是个烂摊子，就是公司太多吃饱没事干的人千方万计想出来的办法使别人干活，然后就摇摇脚等成绩送来面前在皇帝面前邀功，说什么我们的工作就是辅助某某臣子完成他的使命，协助他们过关斩将，巩固他们的地位 ――皇帝看不到腐败制度的受害者， 就是我！

当然还有一个理智的原因就是我不想掉换工作岗位，不想脱离MKT的行列，走上一条业务管理的不归路。说是说业务管理，可是外边有多少公司大到可以专门设立一个部门来管理业务，就是要督促其他部门及时交工作，写报告，交数据，写胶片，说白了，这个部门的工作就像管家婆一样，没有人给你汇报，可是你却什么事情都要插一把手管理来，就是喜欢增加别人的工作量，有没有效果，鬼才知道。

然后嘛，我就开始去面试，咦，不对不对。。是开始刷新我的简历，一直都以为自己在公司四年一点贡献都没有，整理整理还做过挺多项目的喔，虽然没有实际学到什么有用的东西，可是这种经验确实是非常难得。反而一直以为第一份工作浪费了四年的青春，提供更多学习的平台。写好了简介，心里充满满足感，哈哈

。。画面转到N个面试以后。。

N次的面试结果让我认识自己多一些，有些主管可以一针见血的把我的缺陷点评，也有些主管赏识我超强的组织能力。我总结了一下：

第一、 工作性质太偏，没有面向多元化的工作
我们公司这么大一个企业，一个人面对十多个代表处，专门处理一项工作都已经忙不过来，尚且公司出名没有良性，说要的，你死也要死出来，没有下班的概念，没有假期的概念。所以我一直一来都是专注在展会这块工作，其他的工作根本没有精力和时间去处理。

第二、 工作文化太独特，没有现实社会的经验
我是我自己摸索出来的，在找工的这段时间，看了别人无数个招聘广告，几乎都是需要包山包海，一个人要处理所有相关事项，面对所有外部沟通，交付工作绩效，内部汇报（还是招聘广告夸大其词？）只有我们公司凡事靠关系，搞口碑，工作能力和工资奖金完全不匹配。

第三、 工作内容偏向管理，没有实际作战经验
说是说展会工作，可是每个人有专门自己负责的模块，基本上公司已经把台子搭好，我们主要就是负责内部的组织，管理，监控，推动和实施工作，工作量确实是很多，可是实际的能力和专业技能真的是没有，人家是有工作经验才管理别人，我们是谁都可以管理别人。

想到这里真的是泪眼满流，一把年纪了，竟然一无所成，如果时间可以倒流，我一定会选择另外一份工作（也不一定喔，如果不是这份工作，就不会认识现在的老公，损失太大了，不行不行！）想当年，手里有两分招聘书，同在一个办公楼，自己想着这家公司年收入比较高，就选择进来了。眨眼四年过去，的确增长了很多见识，去过很多国家，最大收获就是连续四年的欧洲之行，两年的东京血拼，北京奥运会现场观看，新加坡一级方程式现场VIP接待，巴厘岛，吴哥窟免费旅游。。唉，这个世界就是没有尽善尽美的事哦。

站在这个十字路口，我真的不知道何去何从。当然留在公司并没有不好，工资依然准时发，奖金依然每年给，工作安排还不知道，知道了也应该不会一些我没办法承担的吧，只是知道的越多，对于腐败的政治厌倦越多，认识的人越多，面对勾心斗角的事也越多，以前再多的工作量感觉上还是充实快乐，现在丁一点的工作量，要花时间去谋算，要花精力去揣测，动用的脑力更多，精神上更累。

离开公司也并没有不好，可以给自己一个新的开始，去认识新人事，新事物，新鲜感至少可以保持一年半载。有可能有更好的机会发挥，也有可能遇到更烂的上司。加上很多外在因素，让我心痒痒很想逃，可是却怕口袋痒痒填不满。反正在这个阶段，我什么也不想再去想，尽量想办法置身事外，可以不管的都不管，可以不理的也不理。偷偷加入没有前途，没有干劲的老员工行列。。

This must be a joke

This must be a joke, my company is now undergoing major restructuring with the demolishment of the AP Regional Office, now everyone is supposed to go somewhere in some department in the Sub Regional Office, namely in Indonesia/Malaysia, Thailand, Japan or India.

We being local staff are quite straight forward, go to the corresponding department in Sub Regional Office in Malaysia, basically you still do exactly the same job, deal with less rep. offices, and maybe report to another boss. But my problem is that I don’t have corresponding department in any Sub Regional office.

We were told not to do any job hunt or department transfer, because the company will arrange accordingly for everybody, to make everybody happy. Well, I did not worry much about it because the initial plan was to set up my department in the respective Sub Regional Office, so in a way I am safe. Same job, less work, more free time, good what.

Until one fine day, my department colleague told me that they were called back to HQ in Shenzhen and wait for further instruction. My boss had long ago got himself a job in one of the Sub Regional office and don’t care about us. Some secret source told me that my boss’s boss will be transferred to other Sub Regional office and out of a sudden I am out of job!!!

I quickly called all the people I know to help me find a job in Malaysia office, (nobody has the complete organization chart of the company, and hence we need to ask one by one to figure out ourselves). Searched JobStreet to look for any opening, too bad none of the job I meet any of the requirement. Asked different department everyday if they had any vacancies available, but all of them sound 10 times more terrible than my current job.

Yet another one fine day, I was told by Mr. BB from Business Operation Team, that I will be joining his department by end of the month, to take over certain jobs in his department (which has nothing to do with my current job at all). I was shocked and I replied that I was not told by my boss what is my job arrangement. Guess what one of his follower said “Mr. BB is now your boss la.”

I kept quite for I do not know what is the conspiracy behind; it is strange for me to be transferred without any notice by my own boss. I ran back to office, went straight to my boss office and found that he was not around (as usual). Talked to my buddies about the situation but they also feel helpless for me. What the heck, given a choice you memang want to stay in the company, do whatever it takes, at least you still got a job.

My boss called me after lunch “ please come and see me”, I was happy thinking that maybe he knew what happened and he wanted to give me an explanation. As I sat down, he asked me to do some nonsense job and that’s all. Nothing else to say to me! I told him about what happened this morning and he said “I don’t know, your transfer was not approve, go ask the bigger boss, I don’t take care of that Sub Region now.” What?!?!??! You are my boss and you said this to me?!?!?!?!!??! I knew he is a bastard all this while, but each and every time he gives me new surprises.

I went back to my seat, still don’t understand how can I have a boss like this, and how did I live with it for the past 12 months or so. My mind was a total mess, I myself do not what do I want for my future. At one hand, I do not want to continue with the tedious and massive work of events marketing, at the other hand I do not want to get into a job that is solely administrative paperwork. At one hand, I want a job that is more settled down, less travelling, at the other hand I want to have a career pathway in event marketing. And the two hands keep on fighting.

I finally got the courage to walk into the bigger boss office to ask him what is going on here. He seems surprise with what happened also (which is to my very surprise). This Mr. BB acts as though it is so real, so solid and it is just a prank?!?!? I feel like I am being fooled like “gotcha call” or “candid camera”. Can somebody tell me what is going on?!?!?!??!?!?!?

缺陷

我感觉自己就像一个商品，是一个有缺陷的商品，给我听清楚，是缺陷，不是瑕疵！岂有此理！太过分了，如果我是商品，为什么厂商在生产我的时候，没有做好品质控制，竟然没有检查好，就让我出厂？！ 好啦，现在丢脸啦。。而且还是生存了几十年后才发觉原来自己是个有缺陷的商品。好像死。。呜呜

瑕疵是有，而且很多，我知道，我可以接受，有些可以掩饰，有些可以修改， 反正谁都没有十全十美。可是今天面对的这个残酷事实，真的是太残酷，我不懂怎么面对，怎么接受啊。

从小到大我就没有很多朋友，我知道原因，因为我不爱和别人相处，在学校总是独来独往，没有认识朋友，也没有人敢靠近我。好不容易出来工作，好不容易开始交朋友，好不容易有几个知心的朋友，我觉得自己很正常，不是所有人都喜欢喧哗，每个人有自己的相处方式，是要开心不开心有人分享，有人陪伴，我觉得是可以啦。。

看我现在没有上班下班，一个人吃饭，一个人回家，一个人上网，一个人逛街，我觉得非常自在，甚至出差在外，我不怕自己一个人去探索旅游路线，我反而害怕的是一帮人稀里哗啦。

可是那天。。那天。。一个很恐怖的事实出现在我面前，当泽和其他团友开始聊天，我站在旁边一句话也插不上，我觉得很无聊，也觉得很不爽，感觉我站在旁边像个傻瓜，实在待不下去，就自个儿跑到另外一边，逃离现场。

我觉得反正我有在没在没有分别，反正他们正在聊的开心，完全忽视我的存在，怎么知道泽的立场和看法完全不一样。他觉得团友之前聊聊天很正常，我一声不响的走开，很没有礼貌，让他觉得难堪。我理直气壮的说“我站在哪里像傻瓜！” 他问我“那你为什么不加进来一起聊？” 我， 我， 我， 认真想想以后， 竟然想回答“I don’t know how！”

真的，真的，我的所有朋友都是一对一的朋友，什么是一对一的朋友呢？就是同学当中有一个好朋友，同事当中有一个好朋友，同一时间只能和一个人聊天，一个人活动，如果突然间跑来多一个朋友，我会变成不知所措，我会变成“第三者”，我会变成没有话题，没有兴趣，渐渐的，很自然的抽离。

还记得上次的可怕经验，我有3个个别的好朋友，因为某些事情我把着3个好朋友约出来在一起吃饭，饭座上竟然这3个好朋友自己聊起来，聊的非常起劲，我也自然沦落成路人甲，一句话也差不上口。当时候我不爽了一阵子，我还以为是她们的错，自己聊high了，冷落了我。 很快，也就把这事情给忘了。

现在想起来，这样的例子竟然越想越多。在家里我可以单独和泽的姐姐瞎聊2个小时，和泽的妈妈随便说说，说到三更半夜，泽的弟弟很随意告诉我最近看了什么电影好不好看，我觉得自己的PR还做得挺好，和他家里人还相处融洽。但是，当泽的爸爸妈妈姐姐弟弟坐在一起的时候，我自然而然得就会，尽量索起身体，尽量靠在角落，有意见也不会发表。要说什么都是小声告诉泽，唯恐别人会听到。

问我为什么要这样？我不知道呀。反正从小到大从来没有玩伴，没有和别人相处过，没有需要和任何人打交道。一对一的对话没有问题，可以在3个人或以上的对话我就没有，是没有经验吗？是因为兄弟姐妹都比我大十多年，没有儿童玩伴吗？是没有训练吗？难道其他小孩就有爸爸妈妈叫他们如何和别人相处吗？难道使我心里变态吗？总觉得和别人说话一定要有个麦克风摆在我前面才轮到我表态。

真的，真的是这样的。我就一定要等到别人问我，我才会说话。比方说一帮人在聊天，就算我自己有什么看法，什么意见，我都不会说的。不是因为我不想说，而是我什么不知道什么时候，什么方式去说。总觉得别人在说话的时候，我不应该插口。突然间觉得自己真的很没有用，但不成要我去问别人“请问一下。。。”唉，要问别人，也不知道要怎么问啊，这种东西还要学吗？别笑死人家。。

所以，我就觉得自己好像走到一个死胡同，前面已经无路可走，后路却又重重难关。想当年我还是一个可以面对1000多观众，当过数十个大型活动的公司专用司仪。。这不是搞笑吗？不一样啊，当司仪，尤其是这种正式场合的司仪，只有我讲，没有其他人讲，我不但不怕，反而享受。神啊，是不是你创造我的时候，忘了输入这个功能啊？

我想上网搜一下看有没有什么治疗方式，至少搞个Idiot’s Guide什么的，但是连应该敲什么字眼是搜我都不知道。如何在一群人当中发言？如何参与别人的对话？ 结果什么东东都没有搜出来，难道我的这一辈子就这样完蛋了吗？那天泽还很生气的说是不是这样他一辈子都不能和其他人聊天，否则我会像是个笨蛋吗？

怎么办呢？所以说，我是个有瑕疵的商品。商品本身是不懂怎么去修补自身的过错，难道我就把责任推给上帝吗？为了这件事情，我还生气了好几天。生气泽这么清楚的把我的缺陷表露出来，还用放大镜千百倍放大，我感觉收到非常大的耻辱。第一次对自己感到如此失望，废了，废了，我的下半生怎么办啊？如果我一直都不知道这个事实不是很好吗？为什么要这样对我？

终于在网上找到一篇可以打救我的文章，作者指出内向的人不知道在面对群众的时候应该做些什么，this is exactly how I feel! 同时他也说社交技巧是可以慢慢去学的，一次生，两次熟，熟能生巧，希望如此啦。。

Underdeveloped social skills. Social skills can be learned like any other skill set. One reason introverts shy away from social activities is that they don’t feel comfortable because they don’t know what to do, especially if the unexpected were to occur. Being able to start up a conversation with a stranger AND feel completely comfortable doing it is a learnable skill. The more you do it, the better you get at it. Embrace the fact that you’re a beginner, and don’t compare yourself to others.

one last trip

MNG Outlet
Address： Calle Girona n°37
Transportation： Metro Tetuan

ZARA Lefties
Address：11 Placa de la Universitat
Transportation： Metro Universitat

Burberry Outlet
Address: Calle Valencia n°625
Transportation： Metro Clot

LA MAQUINISTA
Address：Paseo de Potosi n°2
Transportation： Metro Torres I Bages

LA ROCCA
Address：La Rocca del Valles
Transportation： Metro Fabra I Buig, Bus No 11

Passeig de Gracis
Address：步行街
Transportation： Metro Placa Catalunya