Monday 15 December 2008

我是坏小孩


已经不记得最后一次看到妈妈哭是什么时候,今天我这个不肖女竟然把妈妈气的泪花梨雨。我应该怎么办呢?明早起床她还会生气么?她心里是不是很难受?经常和男朋友吵架已经视为家常便饭,可是和妈妈吵架好像懂事以来就没有这样子的歌仔唱,怎么办呢?这个晚生心里真的很不安。。

四个小时前:
刚刚又和男朋友吵架,心情超级不爽,甚至想这辈子都不想再见到这个烂人。回到家里,我紧急收起莫大的怨气,好好的帮哥哥修理电脑,拿着衣服想要洗澡出去和朋友喝茶。妈妈不经意的说前几天打扫不小心打乱我床底下的拼图,天啊,我辛辛苦苦拼了好几月的拼图!!!我立马冲进房间拉出大卡片折起的拼图,一个、两个、三个。。差不多掉了十多个小片出来。

我小心翼翼的翻过另外一面,逐个逐个放回原位,一个、两个、三个。。妈妈还在一旁自言自语说她不知道原来我的拼图还没有镶起,竟然那么脆弱,亲手一拉,就拉出那么多个小片片。我摆完最后一个小块发现少了角落的一小块,钻进床底看,没有,厨底,也没有,问佣人打扫有没有看到,妈妈说打翻拼图已经好几天前的事了,没有看到有其他粹片。

我当场差点气昏了,为什么打翻当天不直接告诉我?为什么我的床底你要打翻?为什么一定要我镶起我的拼图?这个拼图已经埋藏在我的床底半年有多,为什么从来相安无事,你要强硬拉出来清理?我没好气的跑进浴室洗澡。三秒钟以内我已经知道自己语气太重,妈妈可能受了委屈,快快洗完澡想认错和妈妈道歉,怎么知道她竟然哭了。

我拉着妈妈的手向她道歉,说我刚才怒火冲天所以乱发脾气,向她解释我生气的不是她,只是拼图差了一片等于前工尽费所以生气,请她原谅我。拼图没了可以在买,妈妈生气不可以原谅,那我就真的内疚死了。她口了说了没事没事,可是眼泪还是如水喉般不断下流,搞的我真的不知所措,都不知道她是不是接收我的道歉,都不知道她会记在心里多久。

四个小时后:
回到家里妈妈已经睡着,我真的不知道如何是好。我相信自己完全有妈妈的遗传,我绝对不会轻易原谅曾经伤害我的人。唉。。。如果我是小孩,妈妈可能会以年少无知的借口来原谅我,我都那么大,还会做出这种不分轻重的事情,我也找不到什么借口原谅自己。上帝,救救我啊。教我如何和妈妈冰释前隙,教我如何好好爱护她,像温室里的小花好好保护她。

Sunday 14 December 2008

Thank you Lord

Thank you Lord
For you are my refuge and strength
And ever present help in trouble

It is you Lord
That helps me sort things out
To see what is right from wrong

It is you Lord
That gives me courage to speak out
To solve issues I found helpless

Thank you Lord
For you are faithful and just
And forgives me from my sins

It is you Lord
That helps me to stand up
To walk out of the fear of the dark

It is you Lord
That gives me wisdom to judge
To have your ways in my life

Thank you Lord
For words cannot describe
How great you are

Saturday 6 December 2008

How to get your man listen to you


I do not know about you, but I’ve been taught that men and women think, speak and response differently since young. My brother bought me the book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” when I was eighteen, although I didn’t quite understand it, I am subscribed to the idea that even our brains are wired differently.

Tzeh and I argued about this issue many times before, he doesn’t understand why I cannot speak up when I am angry, I do not understand why he can walk away when I am angry. I’ve been trying to tell him that I am not a man; hence I do not behave in accordance to his logical mind. So I decided to do a search online to come out with some facts and statistics to support my argument.

I was happy that I found an article entitled “Men and Women are Hard Wired Differently and respond differently”. It reads something like this ‘We mistakenly assume that if our partners love us they will react and behave in [the way] we react and behave when we love someone.’ Of course I myself fall into the same trap but I was trying to make him understand that I am not a man!!!

Then I continue to search and I found another article “How to Communicate Effectively with Husbands” and I laughed when I saw “Women talk too much and men don’t listen enough. This is an age-old problem that seems to have no real solutions” This is never a problem for me because Tzeh is the one doing all the talking and I am the one waiting for the conclusion while he dwell on and on with the details. I teased him and asked “Did you not learn summary in school before?”

In the midst of all this, I feel pathetic for myself that why on earth do I have to try to understand man? Has he ever made the same efforts try to understand me as well? The more in understand him, the more I gave in to make him feel better, but I also wish one day that he come to me and says “ Today I learn that women are like this like that, I understand now why you do this and that, and I will try to be this and that.. ”Dream on girl, dream on...

Anyway, criticism and sarcasms do not help man to listen, so here are some tips for the women to talk in ways that will get their men to listen (see, women are always too caring and understanding to burden ourselves to learn how to speak in the way man would listen)

http://marital-communication.suite101.com/article.cfm/how_to_communicate_effectively_with_husbands

Thursday 4 December 2008

我的家庭

相信大家在小学的时候都写过这个作文,我的爸爸是XXX,今年XX岁,我的妈妈XXX,今年XX岁,我的爸爸是厨师,我的妈妈是家庭主妇,我们一家人很开心。。很久都没有好好想起我的家,也很久没有好好了解我的家,我的家和十岁写作文的时候差别有多大?我不知道,也没有仔细去想。

爸爸妈妈怎么认识?我不知道,好像以前是邻居,一见钟情么?我不知道。我们属于那个爸爸妈妈高高在上,经常严肃的面孔,小孩不得随便发言的年代的小孩,对父母的爱情完全没有了解。甚至我为什么在哥哥姐姐们都长大成人的时候才出生?是意外?是苦闷?还是什么?妈妈应酬一句“我不知道”就完事了。为什么我从小就不吃青菜,为什么爸妈没有半哄带骗逼我吃菜?妈妈也潇洒的回答“我不知道”可能就是这种十问九不知的态度完全灭绝了我的求知欲。

现在想起来,我对家里的事情真的可以以一知半解来形容,爸爸妈妈喜欢吃什么,喜欢什么颜色,什么事情让他们开心,什么事情令他们生气,我真的从来没有想过。我们就好像生活在封建社会,什么都不准问,不准提的年代。认真想想如果我真的不耻下问,我估计他们还是会回答的,只不过他们同时也会担心我的脑袋是不是出了问题。

刚才和朋友讨论怎么可以对家人好一点,想了半天都找不到好点子。 他们不喜欢逛街,不喜欢旅游,不喜欢看电影,甚至不喜欢在外边吃饭,一辈子忙忙碌碌也没有想到怎么好好对待自己。甚至现在小孩都不再是小孩的时候,还要替小孩操心他们的小孩(孙子啦)。除了每个月给微不足道的家用,有时候在他们出去吃夜宵,我真不知道自己还能够做什么。突然间觉得当我的爸爸妈妈好可怜,竟然有我这个不肖女,不知道如何关怀他们,敬爱他们。

经常告诉自己对他们态度要好一点,只是每天下班回来,拖着疲惫的身子,我只想好好一个人呆在房间,上上网,看看书,不想和任何人说话。 好几次妈妈特地走进来我的房间,看我在做什么,很想和我打开话题,我却冷冷谈谈。 最过分的是,我不喜欢任何人躺在我的床上,枕头上,被单上,我看到会有一股冲动赶她出去(洁癖啦, 请多多包涵)

所以这个周末我决定好好呆在家里,什么都不做,就让爸爸妈妈把我看个够,看个饱,这样他们应该也会开心吧?本来打算带他们逛街,他们嫌太远太累,看电影?太冷太闷,吃饭?好呀,全家大小亲朋戚友都叫过来l。。唉,随便吧,只要你们开心就好。